We all want to be fair parents, but not all children are equal

Men get more financial aid from their parents when it comes to putting down a house deposit, according to a new survey. Here’s my theory

Bad news for daughters – who get a tough deal from the Bank of Mum & Dad. According to research by Zoopla, a property search website, they receive £13,000 less on average than sons when it comes to a deposit for buying a property.
The firm’s survey of more than 1,000 recent first-time buyers found that women received an average of £51,671 from their parents towards their first home, compared to £65,004 for men. With the average first-time buyer deposit at £60,100, it’s clear the women are losing out compared with men. 
A Zoopla spokesperson suggested this was because parents of daughters were more likely to have to fork out for weddings, which the bride’s family traditionally pay for, and which cost £20,000 on average. They were also more likely to have to help with student fees, as more women go to university than men. 
I have another theory: men are simply less together than women. They are worse with money, less independent and need more help in general. Not only do more women go to university, they get better degrees when they are there.
The data shows that men in their 20s are significantly more likely than women to “boomerang” and return to the family home. Women are better savers than men, too. There remains a gender pay gap but it is shrinking, especially between men and women in their 20s. 
Evidently it is not enough of a pay gap to make up for the men frittering away their spare money on pints, football accumulator bets and new paint colours for their guns on Call of Duty. 
One sympathises with parents, who find themselves in a bind. The obvious fair solution is to give equally to all of your children. But what if your children are not equal? If you want to help your little darlings onto the ladder, however feckless they might be, that means forking out more to help the useless ones. In the guided democracy of your household, do you means test your handouts? Do you prioritise equality of treatment (the amount of money) or outcome (owning a property)? These are fiendish calculations. 
The problem for parents in an era of small families is that, to borrow a phrase from the financial crisis, their children are too big to fail. If you had 12 kids you could afford for a few to fall by the wayside.
Besides, with that many, nobody would be getting any cash handouts anyway. With only a couple of children, or even one, it is starkly obvious which basket your eggs are in. These children are structurally important. Instead of taking a controlling stake in RBS, parents must stump up for the son who bogged his A-levels and has failed to get a proper job, just as much as the high-achieving daughter who aced her way into law school.
What if canny sons are realising this and loafing around in their 20s, failing to save properly, safe in the knowledge they will be bailed out when the time comes? It might be frustrating for their sisters, but if economics is the study of means and ends, it is shrewd practice.